Change is difficult for anyone, especially when it’s life-long habits and ways of living and coping in the world. Sometimes you come to the conclusion that you need to change as your own decision and sometimes it’s forced upon you.
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness such as diabetes demands major changes in life. For most people it comes as a shock. Even for people who have experience with other diabetics in the family, being diagnosed yourself can still be a traumatic event. Very few people are ever prepared for it.
The fact that there’s so much, often conflicting, information out there can also make it even more difficult. You start to become overwhelmed with the information, and some people just close down because it all seems so overwhelming.
Here are a few simple steps you can take to help yourself cope with change:
Do Nothing
Often when new people come they want answers, and they want to know exactly what they need to do, step by step, to handle the situation. They’re often afraid and don’t know what to do.
I give them answers because that’s what they’re looking for. The answers involve many changes, an entirely new way of looking at their life. I try to also give them support and to help alleviate their fears by explaining that many people have traveled this road before and come out healthier, happier, and feeling better than they have for years.
If I told them to first do nothing they’d think I was being a smart mouth, or worse! But I’m talking about a very active/passive method, a method where you first take time to explore yourself and your emotions.
(the Witness) Look At Yourself With Different Eyes.
Your first instinct is to begin the changes in a whirlwind of activity. Often a start like this leads to burn-out quickly and then any changes you might have been trying to start are reversed and you’re right back at the beginning again. Only this time your confidence is shaken and you begin to doubt your ability to change.
The witness is a part of yourself, it’s called by many different names in different cultures. Some call it your unconscious mind, others your “inner voice”. It’s a part of yourself that can view your life without the emotions, but with compassion because who understands you better than yourself.
Focus on your emotions
Emotions are just emotions, not actions. To understand yourself you have to first acknowledge your feelings, not try to shove them down. When you do try to shove them down they often come out in different more self-destructive way. Just try to look at them without judgement.
Talk about your feelings. Many people have great support from family and friends. Or maybe they could if they opened up and allowed others to lend them support. Many other people find that they just don’t have people who understand what they’re going through. That’s where these message boards can help so many. You’re talking with people who understand your feelings and have gone through or are now going through exactly the same feelings.
Any loss, and change is a loss, requires time to mourn. It also requires time to process on a personal level, especially when it’s a sudden change brought on by a diagnosis of an illness. Be easy on yourself, give yourself the compassion that you’d give to a stranger or a loved one. That’s why you hear that self-love is of major importance, because you really can’t love or accept anyone else until you can love and accept yourself.
Start Fresh, forget yesterday!
How have you coped with change in the past. Examine other situations in your life where you had to make changes. How did you feel, how did you react? The past is not the present, nor does it have to be the future. You can start fresh at any time, each day is a new beginning.
Don’t expect to be perfect!
This is a very complex disease and it’s different for every person. That’s why there are no easy answers or a “magic” formula for finding what’s right for you. You can to do most of the work yourself in finding out how your body works. What works for someone else might not work for you. This isn’t a disease where you take a pill and everything is handled. This is a disease where most of the control is up to you, within your hands.
All of this takes time and effort. At first it seems like it takes all of your time and effort. But like any other change, in time it becomes habit and much easier to deal with.
Just take it one step at a time, but don’t be too afraid to step outside of your comfort level. That’s how you learn. If you just keep doing the same things in the same ways you’ll continue to get the same results.
So to sum it up:
Acknowledge your feelings and emotions
Talk about your feelings and find support
Take it one step at a time, but do go beyond your
comfort zone a little.
Don’t expect instant perfection
Be kind to yourself!
I’ll end with a rather famous story about a person trying to change and the steps she encountered along the way.
Autobiography in Five Chapters
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
Portia Nelson (1920 – 2001)
Lizzy
© EMO 3/12
Knowledge is Power
When I was diagnosed, close to 11 years ago, I was told “you are diabetic”, given a prescription for some medication, and told to wait for a nurse to come in and give me an insulin shot. When I picked up the prescription I was given a 10-page booklet telling me “All About How to Mange Diabetes”, and sent on my way. That was the extent of my “education”. 
Lizzy, I like reading your posts — there are so many wonderful points! I say amen to self compassion and starting fresh, over and over. You have to get creative in finding what works for you.
A case in point is something I have made a practice in my life. I have a long commute, and in the past I have listened to the radio or books on CD, or sung to music. But I have been trying to make this time more meaningful lately by using some of it as a chance to remind myself of what is important in life and think about the things that I find I easily forget — what I am thankful for, how important it is to connect with people when the opportunity presents itself, that we are all doing about the best we can, and so on…whatever seems important on a given day. It sounds kooky, but I talk out loud to myself, and this makes a difference as opposed to just thinking the thoughts. I feel like I’m finding my own voice literally and metaphorically. Usually I end up feeling more grounded by the time I arrive at work, more centered and ready to face the day ahead.
So anyway, thank you for your posts. If you see some kooky person talking to herself in traffic, it might be me.
Nancy
Not to worry Nancy, some of the greatest conversations I’ve ever had were with myself.
It is important to take stock of your feelings…..no matter how busy your life is.
What is that they say about “An unexamined life………..”?
Lizzy
Well when I found out I had type 2. I made a huge change in my life. Lost 16 lbs and felt better. Watch what I ate, did it all but, I also felt like I was missing out on my fun old way of life. I started out great but I feel like I can’t do this forever, which is silly because I have to do this forever. So you see the battle ground!!! How do I balance the old and new. How do I continue to do well, without burning out (which I’m beginning to feel the burn).
Amy, an important step is to not change things so much you can’t continue to live with it. That in itself leads to burn-out. As the post says, try some new ways and don’t try to hang on to the old. Adjustments take time, and it’s your life you’re talking about in this case, so what’s the alternative?
Change your mind, change your life.
Lizzy
You have done a marvellous job by providing this post. It will help a lot the people who are searching for information. thanks for sharing.
Thanks Cinara.
Lizzy
It’s been 2 months since my diagnosis with very high numbers, and I did a dramatic turn around. I quit drinking immediately – which was a huge part of our (my husband and I) social life, I started walking, and cut out carbs. I have lost about 20 lbs, which I appreciate, and I am feeling much better physically. But emotionally I don’t know what’s goin on. I really don’t like going out w/my husband and friends when they’re drinking. It’s exhausting trying to have a good time w/o drinking. Then I always get that “pity” look from friends cause I don’t drink. Actually my best friend has become the TV. I used to look forward to going out and having a few beers – which turned out to be more than a few, now I look forward to couching it in front of the TV. I feel like I do that way too much now. My BG are coming down, but I feel tired all the time and find it hard to do day to day activities. I know it is a slow process but sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards. thanks again for letting me vent.
Hi Elizabeth,
It’s normal to feel somewhat depressed when you give up something that was such a big part of your life. People talk about eating the old ways the same way that you’re describing drinking. It’s still a loss and it takes time to mourn the old ways, just don’t get locked into it.
You need to find some other things to take the place of what you lost. Things that you consider fun. Maybe a dance class or art class, something that interests you. You’ll meet new friends there that also share your interests. It would be great if your husband also was interested in the same thing, but it’s not essential.
Once you find something that you can feel excited about you’ll probably feel less tired and more hopeful about things in general. You might have to force yourself out at first, but it’s worth it to put some zing back in life.
Lizzy
Hi! I so know how Elizabeth feels! Its not the drinking, its the social life around it. And yes, I can’t even eat out with my family and friends and get these looks, like, “Put that down you’ll Die!” And I’m holding a pc. of pizza! I agree, finding something new is great, But how do you live around others and blend in with out over carbing yourself!!!! eeek,,,,,this is hard!
Amy people always have to find a way to deal with the “food police”. IF you care about them explain how you feel when they act that way. Being honest is always best. IF you don’t care, thumb your nose and eat.
I have never drank, but often go out with those who do. I always have a good time. IF all of your friends concentrate on drinking, find new friends.
There’s also the point that you might be transfering your own feelings onto others. Look deeply at this.
Lizzy